Getting “Ghosted”: How It Affects Our Confidence & How Do We Get Past It?

If you’re living in the world of modern dating, there’s no doubt in my mind you’ve been ghosted before. Ghosting is a relatively new colloquial dating term that refers to abruptly cutting off contact with someone without giving that person any warning or explanation for doing so. And even when the person being ghosted reaches out to re-initiate contact or gain closure, they’re met with silence.

I was recently ghosted after a first date that I thought went extremely well — it’s kind of funny to think about actually. I totally thought this guy was going to reach out to me again, no question — and never heard a word. We were out for 6 hours, hit it off completely, he paid for everything, and there was no reason for me to believe I wouldn’t see him again. I was stunned. But I was recently listening to something that said a first date can go three ways:

  1. They want to continue dating you
  2. They just want to hook up with you
  3. They never want to see you again

After dating a lot, I actually find this to be so true. This guy was definitely a number 2 for me — or maybe 3 haha — he just wanted to hook up and then never wanted to see me again. And that’s fine, dude.

My take on it is that after one date, it’s okay. So, to the guy from Hinge who ghosted me after one, I forgive you. My issue is when you get past the first date and go to two, three, and beyond — and then you get ghosted. I do have a problem with that because I think it’s only fair to tell someone what’s going on — especially if they’re following up and looking for answers.

What I want to talk about is how ghosting affects our confidence and things we can do to get past that self-doubt. Whenever I’ve been ghosted, I start to go down a rabbit hole of wondering what I did, what I said, what I looked like — the whole thing. But whenever I ghost someone (which I’ve only done a few times) — I feel like I want to save that person from hearing what I have to say. So I understand it from both sides. The reality is, we will never get our answer and we have to stop the voices in our heads saying we did something wrong, and just move on (easier said than done, I know).

The key point I want to make here — is if you do get ghosted, try to remember that the person just wasn’t your person. Stay positive about yourself in the process. Get back on the horse and go on more dates. I think the thing I’m really starting to realize is my person will find me some way or another. All of these roadblocks and ghosts and shitty situations are only going to lead me to find what’s right for me. To all my single friends, I believe the same is true for you — so keep your head up!

XOXO, Kenzie

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